Baby Bears have squishy butts!

I don't recall the exact date but I know it was early Spring. Maybe 2008. I read in the Coeur d' Alene Press that a major sports/hunting warehouse was going to have baby bears for people to hold if they would like. I told Joel that I wanted to hold the baby bear. 

We had gone a year earlier and got to hold a baby wolf pup. Joel wouldn't hold the wolf pup because they are really hurting the ratio of deer/elk/moose to wolves. They are kind of taking over up here in the Great White Northern State of Idaho. Being a hunter he didn't want to hold the baby wolf. It is something I will never forget. I love, love dogs but to hold a little wolf that to my absolute delight and pleasure started to howl in my hands when his daddy outside howled was AMAZING to me. The power in that little 5 day old wolf pup as he howled his hardest  and really you could tell he was putting his whole self into that howl.  We have visited the wolves many times and it has been a favorite place to take out of state visitors when they come to visit. Most of them are in awe of the amazing animals. 

So, back to the baby bear. We stood in line, in the snow waiting with 100's of people that were wanting to have their children hold the baby bears. I was super excited that we were about 11th in line. Joel and I were talking about the baby bear and I asked him if he wanted to hold it. He said no not really because it just doesn't interest him that much. Well, when we got up and it was our turn to hold the baby bear he came into the holding area with me and he held that baby bear too. The fur was so soft but the thing that amazed me is that they have really squishy butts and bodies. Like a stuffed Teddy Bear. I thought they would feel more muscular but they are very squishy and soft. 

There was a contest to name the baby bears that they brought up from Yellow  Stone that day and I wrote down the name Sierra for the bear that Joel and I held... it was a girl. About a month later I got a letter in the mail and they said they picked my name and sent us free tickets to visit the bear park at Yellow Stone. 

I almost forgot, they are very loud when they miss their moms which made me sad and they bite really hard!

Just another memory of my time in North Idaho.

Blessings,

Annie

I'm so blessed

The past two months have been so stressful. The love of my life is giving up all that he loves in a place to live to take me someplace warm and where all of my cardiologists are recommending we go to.  We were heading to Texas and together we prayed about it and decided it would be for the best for us to be closer to family. Sending resumes to Arizona and California, it seems that God wants us back in CA. 

Right now we have no family when I'm in the hospital and sick. It is so hard on Joel and I want so badly for him to have support. Now, I don't want to take away from my dear sweet friend Tari that is always here to support and love us. I just think my hubby needs some family to support him. 

It seems that God maybe bringing us full circle. We moved from Folsom and Joel was working in El Dorado Hills CA when we moved here and now he is flying to CA on Friday the 10th for another interview after turning down 3 jobs in San Luis County for a job that he thinks will suit him well in El Dorado Hills CA. 

When I moved to Idaho I was so closed off in my heart. I would just as soon get into a fight physically or verbally rather than allow myself to really feel. I would joke around about serious things so I wouldn't "Feel".  As I prepare to leave Idaho after over 10 years, I am a new person. I try hard to esteem others above myself, not always succeeding but living that way has been such a blessing to me. I have gotten so many close relationships. Relationships that are real and meaningful. I'm thankful for the time I've been given here. I'm thankful for the community that has embraced me just as I was when I first got here: mean, honer y, self-centered and afraid of emotions and showing them. I still struggle with this but I'm getting closer to where I should be. 

I'm thankful for the true love and support that my husband has shown me. Gosh that man is in love with me and I sure do love him! I'm so lucky to have Joel. He is an amazingly kind, loving and protective man of God. His love for me and what he is willing to do for me, to keep me around here on earth for as long as God allows, well it sometimes takes my breath away. 

The hours that he has spent in the ER with me watching as they poke and prod me and draw blood time after time, always standing beside me, hovering and praying for me. The hours that he has spent sitting in waiting rooms to have the Doctor come and tell him what the outcome is, The hours that he sits in the hospital room well before and after visiting hours, sneaking me in a low carb mocha fat free Big Train with sugar free Peppermint Paddy.... Words can't say how lucky I am to have him!  Offering to throw Dr. Spyra out the window of the 3rd story because he doesn't like him and knows that I'm not that fond of him either. Breaking his butt to keep a home for us that we love and now we are losing. That breaks my heart.

I know I wasn't purposely born with a heart defect but I sure do feel responsible about taking him away from all he loves. This is the 3rd house we have bought and the first time we have lost one. 

We can fight for this house but it will take a separation from each other. I will have to live in a warmer state for the cold months and he will have to stay here. This is not even a possibility to him. I have tried to talk him into it so he will be where he loves but he has told me that he loves wherever I am. Where I am is home to him. 

Just feeling really blessed and lucky today. Now my man is going to bar b q Tri Tip just because he knows It's my favorite. 

I hope that you are all as lucky as I've been with someone that loves you no matter what. Someone who will swim shark infested waters to get you a glass of iced tea. Someone who will give up everything he loves to be beside you for as long as you are on the earth.

Blessings,
Annie

God Please change my heart..... literally!

Today is a really bad day! I've been MIA on the blogging for a while now because life got super busy. My husband and I have to move to a warmer state. That came directly from the Cardiologist's mouth. 

My heart condition makes it nearly impossible to live here in this beautiful country. I have been in constant pain for about 2 weeks. One thing that is a "Trigger" for my heart condition is stress and anxiety. Well, baby, I have got some of that going on. Like too many Americans, we owe more money on our house than it is worth. That has left us with a choice we never thought we'd face. Short sale or foreclosure. This is our 3rd time of buying a home and we love to be home owners. We've been so blessed to be home owners that the thought of going back to renting is so scary. Add to that my husband has worked in this job the longest of any jobs he's ever had and now he has to leave it. 

We thought about me going to CA or AZ or some other state that is warmer until he can get a job there and follow but we have been married almost 28 years and we can't bear to be without each other for long. He has been trying like crazy to get a job in another state and so many have offered him a job but because of the huge increase in the cost of living it will be to move to one of those states compared to Idaho, he had to turn them down. So, now, we are waiting..... waiting to hear about another possibility. 

I have been packing boxes and going through things and for some crazy reason in between there I decided to start a new business. I am so in love with the new business. I am now not just on disability but now I have my own business that I can run out of my home and when I'm able physically to do some skin care or color classes I will do them. I'm praying that this will be a blessing to our finances and a blessing to me to meet other women and get to pamper them with a wonderful product and make them feel special in the process. That's what this life is all about right? Putting others before you. Treat others as Jesus did. I want so badly to help when I see someone hurting.

My neighbor across the street is in her 70's and has terminal cancer. I went to visit her today and she asked me, "Annie, how are you so brave and what keeps you going when you are in such pain?" I laughed and told her I'm a stubborn Native American not knowing what to say. She looked at me with tears in her eyes and said, "really, what is your secret?"  I was about to leave but I saw that she needed to know my secret. Here is my secret. I think about Paul formerly known as Saul in the Bible. There is a little piece of his life in there where he asks the Lord to please take his affliction from him and he asked God 3 times and 3 times the Lord said, "My Grace is sufficient for you". That answer that God gave to Paul tells me that for whatever reason, BIG PICTURE stuff, God had a plan for Paul to continue with his affliction. I wonder why God didn't heal Paul. The affliction Paul suffered isn't known but I think to myself wouldn't Paul have been a much better disciple and Leader without an affliction? That makes me think about me before my heart condition. I was swimming upstream. I would think I knew what I needed to do with my life and the rug was yanked out from under me. I think about others much more now than I did before I had my heart attack and found out I supposedly am not long for this life. Now, I take the time to speak to someone that is lonely. I smile at that long faced person in the store who looks like they are so sad. I want to assist. I want others to know that no matter what your "affliction" maybe. God still has a plan for you. 

Even on a day like today when the pain in my chest is bringing me to tears, I'm here for some purpose that only the Lord knows. 

One of the things that I hope to accomplish before I die is that I can rekindle a relationship with my sisters and to help my husband rekindle relationships with his family. He is so bitter and angry that the majority of his brothers and sisters have not acknowledged my health or even how he is handling it. He is hurt and when you are hurt mentally I think that is a lot harder to get over than being hurt physically. 

I want everyone that I know. Everyone in my family. Every one of my friends.... please know that I truly loved/love each one of you and I hope for nothing but the very best for all of you. This world is a scary place at times but it is also full of loveliness and love. Make it your mission to be the bringer of joy. The face of peace and love and kindness.

That's about it for today. Maybe I'll be around to write more another day, hopefully. 

God's Blessings to each of you,
Annie