Today is a really bad day! I've been MIA on the blogging for a while now because life got super busy. My husband and I have to move to a warmer state. That came directly from the Cardiologist's mouth.
My heart condition makes it nearly impossible to live here in this beautiful country. I have been in constant pain for about 2 weeks. One thing that is a "Trigger" for my heart condition is stress and anxiety. Well, baby, I have got some of that going on. Like too many Americans, we owe more money on our house than it is worth. That has left us with a choice we never thought we'd face. Short sale or foreclosure. This is our 3rd time of buying a home and we love to be home owners. We've been so blessed to be home owners that the thought of going back to renting is so scary. Add to that my husband has worked in this job the longest of any jobs he's ever had and now he has to leave it.
We thought about me going to CA or AZ or some other state that is warmer until he can get a job there and follow but we have been married almost 28 years and we can't bear to be without each other for long. He has been trying like crazy to get a job in another state and so many have offered him a job but because of the huge increase in the cost of living it will be to move to one of those states compared to Idaho, he had to turn them down. So, now, we are waiting..... waiting to hear about another possibility.
I have been packing boxes and going through things and for some crazy reason in between there I decided to start a new business. I am so in love with the new business. I am now not just on disability but now I have my own business that I can run out of my home and when I'm able physically to do some skin care or color classes I will do them. I'm praying that this will be a blessing to our finances and a blessing to me to meet other women and get to pamper them with a wonderful product and make them feel special in the process. That's what this life is all about right? Putting others before you. Treat others as Jesus did. I want so badly to help when I see someone hurting.
My neighbor across the street is in her 70's and has terminal cancer. I went to visit her today and she asked me, "Annie, how are you so brave and what keeps you going when you are in such pain?" I laughed and told her I'm a stubborn Native American not knowing what to say. She looked at me with tears in her eyes and said, "really, what is your secret?" I was about to leave but I saw that she needed to know my secret. Here is my secret. I think about Paul formerly known as Saul in the Bible. There is a little piece of his life in there where he asks the Lord to please take his affliction from him and he asked God 3 times and 3 times the Lord said, "My Grace is sufficient for you". That answer that God gave to Paul tells me that for whatever reason, BIG PICTURE stuff, God had a plan for Paul to continue with his affliction. I wonder why God didn't heal Paul. The affliction Paul suffered isn't known but I think to myself wouldn't Paul have been a much better disciple and Leader without an affliction? That makes me think about me before my heart condition. I was swimming upstream. I would think I knew what I needed to do with my life and the rug was yanked out from under me. I think about others much more now than I did before I had my heart attack and found out I supposedly am not long for this life. Now, I take the time to speak to someone that is lonely. I smile at that long faced person in the store who looks like they are so sad. I want to assist. I want others to know that no matter what your "affliction" maybe. God still has a plan for you.
Even on a day like today when the pain in my chest is bringing me to tears, I'm here for some purpose that only the Lord knows.
One of the things that I hope to accomplish before I die is that I can rekindle a relationship with my sisters and to help my husband rekindle relationships with his family. He is so bitter and angry that the majority of his brothers and sisters have not acknowledged my health or even how he is handling it. He is hurt and when you are hurt mentally I think that is a lot harder to get over than being hurt physically.
I want everyone that I know. Everyone in my family. Every one of my friends.... please know that I truly loved/love each one of you and I hope for nothing but the very best for all of you. This world is a scary place at times but it is also full of loveliness and love. Make it your mission to be the bringer of joy. The face of peace and love and kindness.
That's about it for today. Maybe I'll be around to write more another day, hopefully.
God's Blessings to each of you,
Annie
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