I love Northern Idaho so much. I love that this state is very pro God, Country and of coarse love and family. I have made some amazing changes and friends in Northern Idaho. Since coming here I've lost 300 pounds. Learned to really love myself. Made lifelong friends that include many I've never actually met in person but only on the internet. I've lost 2 of my fur babies to old age and cancer. I've lost both of my brothers. I've got a team of physicians that I love and trust. I have people actual people that I feel I can say anything to and they will still love me anyway.
I'm so sad that we are having to leave here. I wonder if it would be any easier if we wanted to leave here... of coarse it would. I know what we are getting back into in CA. I love CA too but it is so different than Northern Idaho. I am a bit worried that Joel will be angry after we get there. Angry that he had to leave here. Both of us love the snow. I know Joel loves me more than Idaho but I hate the notion that he is having to leave because of my health and the Docs basically not giving him a choice. I hope that he still gets to go hunting in CA. That he takes the time and continues to do the things he loves to do up here. I hope he and I can do some fishing. He is looking forward to playing cards with my parents and games with his sisters and brothers. That makes me smile. He misses his family too.
I've been admitted to the hospital 4 times since the beginning of 2013! Four times hooked up for a couple of days at least of straight nitro as they try to get the vasal spasaming to stop. I adore the staff at KMC but I really, really don't want to have to ever go back there. Knowing the nurses on the PCU floor by name and about their families is too much for me to know. I'm glad that they are so kind and gentle with me but I'm ready to try to be hospital/Nitro IV free! I hope our move to California will be where God wants us. It seems that SLO county is where the jobs are calling Joel. He has sent out about 15 resumes to all over CA but the calls only come for interviews from SLO County. That seemed like the one place Joel wasn't wanting to move to.
I think that I have been very worried (secretly) about moving and sad. I'm trying to be happy and look at all things on the bright side but, It is hard and I've been denying my sadness. I believe by not allowing myself to be sad or emotional I am making my body sick with fevers. They come on me almost every day and I feel worn down and icky. Not just heart stuff but other stuff going on. I am going to try to allow myself to cry if I feel it coming on. To not stop the flow of tears. It's okay that I will be sad to move from Idaho. This has been a wonderful home to us despite all the loss. We have gained way more than we have lost!
(prayer) Thank you God for bringing us to Idaho for a Season and thank you for sending us back home for a season. We are grateful for the opportunities to serve you Father and for the opportunities to be with family again. We love you Lord and we trust you. Please help us to remember that when the sadness comes on...You are the author of our lives and we are merely the blessed ones You are directing. I pray that God will make a way before us. Clear the path Lord that You want us to be on. Help our necks not be stiff. Help our eyes to see and ears to hear. Help our hearts to love and be willing to go.
In Jesus Name,
Amen
It's OK to be sad, and to show it. Holding your feelings in, as you have said, is making you sick. It's not wrong to be emotional. Scream, shout, cry, do it all. Make sure Joel does too, he's probably being all positive, but I bet he wants to scream and shout too (kind of like the Will I Am and Britney song).
ReplyDeleteFingers crossed that Joel will get a job offering after his interviews, that will be one less worry for you both xx
Thank you dearest GG! Joel is happy now. He is looking forward to living closer to his family and he is excited about the job interview he has on Friday. It seems like a great company and he would work 4 days a week instead of 5 so that is excellent!
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